MMMMMBOP

" I used to think Taylor Hanson was hot till I found out he was a boy"

Misunderstandings

" I don't want to toot my own horn but I could do that"
" What did you say?"
 " Toot . My. Own. Horn."
" ohhh. For some reason I thought you said 'I don't like two AM porn' "
" No no ... I like that``

So politically correct.

" You can't look like a deaf person"
" Sure you can..... you know with the dog and the dark glasses. Sometimes with a cane"
" I said deaf person....."
" I know"
"Why the fuck would they need a dog?"
"........ oh"

standards

" Everyone likes a hairy guy, nobody likes a fat hairy guy"

broken hearted

" Empty boxes.... they're just like broken promises"