Dreams ( sarcasm)

" It's every pastry chefs dream to be the one who cuts the cake"

Do You Like Wind Farms?

Are you a big fan?

Sums up my social life.

" Stop scaring me like that!!"

" I can't help it I'm just naturally creepy"

Bubble Bath Girls

"You can fuck anyone you want with a little gumshin in your hand"

Talking to the Food ( draft )

All cooks talk to the food. All of them. If there is a cook reading this thinking " I don't talk to food" stop it, you talk to the food. Sixty five percent of the time it doesn't come out in words but thoughts. Regardless the idea of a conversation with an inanimate object is there.

 For the most part it's just like talking to a five year old or a family pet. Lots of encouragement and gentle coaxing.

" Come on now egg, no yolk breaking, nooo yolk breaking.... good job"

This often turns into less gentle coaxing and more demanding

" NO BREAKING!"


But when things don't go the way they were supposed to the conversation quickly takes a turn.

" You whore!"

And when everything else has failed and the whole thing goes to shit things start to get personal.

" YOU MOTHER FUCKER I CANT BELIEVE THAT JUST FUCKIN HAPPENED. I HATE YOU ... YOU'RE STUPID"




And the food just sits there taking it the whole time................. what a whore.

And that my friends is a fact.

" Yea, when he is pushing your head down to far you just blow on the tip..... Cause it hurts when you do that"

Love muscles

" A penis is not a dick"

Mountain Tops

" Ever masturbated at the top of a mountain?"

Lululemon Pants.

" Do you like Lululemon pants"

All of the guys at once " YES"

"It puts a woman in a league down here to a league up here...."

" It's like a bra for your ass"

The Cat Came Back

Back in the kitchen back to the blog.