Sex and Sandwiches

           Really the only two topics you need to hold a conversation in this kitchen ( or any kitchen). It's the two topics everyone can relate to. Still a virgin? Talk about sandwiches. Don't like sandwiches? everyone likes sex. Can't talk? Make a sandwich, everyone is going to love you regardless.

The two go hand in hand. There isn't a day where I don't think about one or the other. The only thing better than sex or sandwiches is sex and sandwiches. 

(like a boss)

The things they say.

"Ever wash your dick in a sink........ at the bar?"

"Nope."

"You haven't been single long enough."



Sleeping With The Hostess.

"What do the cooks do when the waitresses aren't around?"

"The hostess"

I've heard that one in almost every place that I've worked in. It's only funny because its kind of true. If the guys aren't talking about the hostess its because she is 17 or its dude. In which case they expect me to talk about him or make a big deal when do I talk to him.
"Stop flirting with the hosts"            (For the record I was not flirting)

I think one of the main reasons for womanizing the hostess so much is that they don't hear about it. She is always in the front and cooks are always in the back. (      ehhh ehhhh ;)     ) The only time the guys even see the hostess is when she is polishing cutlery. Even then she is as clueless to what goes on in the kitchen as we are to what goes on on the floor.

If I had a nickel for everytime Shafty said "Im gunna do that" I'd have a dollar. And she only started three days ago.

Last Nights Makeup

           It was the only way chef knew I was hungover. Hot kitchens aren't exactly the place for sticky mascara and lipstick. I never wear makeup to work and it's always so obvious when I don't wash it off. It only takes one person to comment on my painted face before the questions start.
"Wow! You kind of look human. Where did you go last night? Did you sleep in those clothes? What's his name?"           
 ( It always looked better the morning after too. Kind of a sleek heroin girl look. If I ever decide to go anywhere before noon I think I'm just going to put on my makeup the night before)

If the makeup wasn't a pretty good "last night" indicator I have this weird habit of not wearing undergarments when I'm hungover.
"Why are you wearing the large chef jacket?"

......so weird but so wonderful.