Love..... whats Love? ( The things they say 8)

" There is no such thing as a girlfriend, it's just your turn"

Ego rant

I don't really know what it's really all about but cooks with egos are always the worst at their job. To be fair they aren’t completely awful but for the amount of shit they brag about and how often (and loudly) they critique others you would expect a lot more than mediocrity from them.

            It’s not just the loud ones who have egos though. They’re just the ones who aren’t afraid to say what they are thinking. Nor are they afraid to sound condescending while saying whatever the ego is saying. It seems everyone who works in a kitchen has some sort of ego going around (pastry chefs and dishwashers included in this one. Although dishwashers are usually the first to notice that nobody cares about their dishwashing abilities) Ego is not usually a bad thing in a kitchen though. It’s important to be confident that what you are doing is right or will at least get the job done. Most of the time arrogance is a great way to learn in kitchens. If there is something that cooks love it’s telling someone how wrong they are doing something and then showing them the right way to do it. It’s actually pretty cute. Team work right?
           
On the other side of things a cook’s arrogance can be just plain fucking annoying. Mostly because it leads to some pretty retarded ideas about things, as it is usually the person who complains the loudest who gets their way.

Some of the things they guys brag about are pretty amusing though. Work is a constant “I’m better than you because” game with the boys. [   I play it to I’m just not as good as they are =P.]   The other day some of the guys were talking about how fast they can bike. One of them stated that he usually bikes around 50km/h. I don’t know if anyone reading this cycles  a lot but speedometer states that I can get up to 35- 40k pedaling like I’m on crack DOWNHILL and that feels scary fast.  Wtf you guys, wtf.   


[I can honestly say the constant alpha male battle is because there are too many dominant males in the same vicinity. In case you really wanted to get psychoanalytical about it. =)   ]

Pastry cooks ( the things they say 7)

" I don't like giving head it hurts my teeth"

First impressions (The things they say 6)

" You look like the type of man who would have sex with a pile of well lubricated rocks"

Crazy Dishwashers.

Not saying that they are all crazy, but for the most part they are pretty fucking weird.  Dishwashing is a group on its own. Not really a part of back of house and definitely not a part of front of house.  The whole restaurant depends on them equally though. It’s impossible to run a kitchen without dishes.

               

They have their own set of rules as well.  I feel as though dishwashers are all part of the same cult.  (The same weird and hilarious cult). They are probably the group of people that can get away with the most in a kitchen. If a dishwasher doesn't work out not a big deal just call another one. Someone always wants to work.  If they do however, have to work and don’t want to it’s pretty easy to tell. And some of the things they pull to not work are quite amusing. 

In the first restaurant I worked in the dishwasher was the scariest man I had ever/and will ever meet.  He was about six, six, 50 years old with horrible posture, a face made out of leather, earrings, and the worst teeth imaginable. (Something like a pirate, but a real pirate none of that Disney shit.) He was also bat shit crazy.  For lunch he would have two pieces of chocolate cheesecake covered with whipped cream and whatever else cold side could find to put on there.  EVERYDAY.  The more random the stuff put on top the better. We once hid chicken in between the cheesecake and the whipped cream..... He loved it.  One day he called into work saying that he didn’t want to come in but without a valid excuse the sous chef told him he had to. While at work he asked about every hour if he could go home. After a million “no’s “ he resorted to the only thing that was left to do........ He shit himself.  Full on grown man pooping his pants to get out of work.  The best part is he tried to keep it a secret from the rest of the kitchen but everyone knows about secrets and kitchens.  And for the record they had to send him home after that one.

It’s probably a job requirement to be crazy in order to wash dishes.  From the guy singing the piano parts of Lady Gaga to me while I’m prepping to the girl asking me to make up a story to tell her while we close, It’s all very strange and a little endearing

Sleeping with the hostess (the things they say)

"Im gunna fuck the hostess tonight, I can tell"

"oh yea? How can you tell?"

"I got a hard on when I was talking to her"

being a vegetarian

Impossible. Unless working at a vegan/vegetarian restaurant. Tasting for seasoning, cooking time, or just finding out what duck tastes like (delicious in case anyone was wondering). Been a vegetarian for three years and I've been cooking for two. Its only been this past couple months that I've actually started to open up to meat a little ( so far duck is a favourite as well as deer, bison and rabbit......chicken is still disgusting though.....pleh) Being a vegetarian and a cook means leaving my vegetarianism at the door while at work and making my own staff meal. 

This post was pointless =) 

Kitchen Secrets.

For the most part it’s not even worth the trouble.  Secrets in kitchens basically don’t exist. (And if they do it’s really only a matter of time before people start to figure shit out).  If there is one thing kitchen boys love to do its gossip. (Trust me they are worse than the girls). A private conversation with one co-worker will all of a sudden be known by another co-worker and so forth. (pretty sure everyone knows how gossip works) Even if there was no private conversation and a co-worker just happens to guess what is going on it is pretty much impossible to lie to them.

                

Think of it this way. I work on average six days a week 8 hour shifts. Usually with the same group of guys who are also working the schedule.   That means that I’m spending close to 50 hours a week with these people. More time then I will spend at home with family, seeing friends, sleeping etc etc.  Needless to say everybody gets to know each other pretty well.  Trying to hide something from those people is a bit like lying to your grandmother. Do able but shitty.

                

It’s hardly ever a bad thing though. Most of the time the secrets weren't even worth keeping and everybody just laughs them off.

 or maybe it’s just so awkward that everyone has to...........